So what can change in 7 months?

A metric shit-ton, that's what. ;)

As of my last writing, I was unemployed, infertile, looking down the road at a surgery, and having a bit of sour grapes.

Well...

-I'm employed full time. I have a great job with a NPO here and love it even on the bad days.

-My surgery happened, and it was...something. Nothing life shattering or even truly helpful revealed. Everything looked fine. My cyst was removed, and apparently that + clomid was the magic potion because...

I'm pregnant! 17 weeks along now, with what appears to be a little boy. C and I are absolutely thrilled and can't wait to welcome him in March.

Being pregnant has caused a lot of feelings-I don't have the naivete I wish I did about pregnancy outcomes, and I felt for a long time like I was somehow going to jinx it all. I also am still very jealous of people who don't have issues getting to this point. But getting here has been great. Seeing baby boy on the ultrasound screen is the most amazing. Looking down and seeing the hint of a bump right in the midst of my scars is awesome. 

Hopefully I can begin to keep up at least a little better on this corner of the interwebs, I think it'll be nice to have a place to get the crazy out. :) 

Deep Thoughts with Jessica p2

My last post got almost two times the views of any other post I've written. I don't know know if it's just that I shared it on Facebook, or if something I wrote resonated with people. Either way... That was neat. And it's something that I worked hard on, even if it doesn't always show.
Since we left off, Mr and I have told our families what we are dealing with. While being "out" is somehow freeing, it's also a little nauseating. Since we're overseas, I had to do it via email. Waiting to see how everyone reacts is a little crazy for me. I keep triple checking email to see if I miss any responses, but I have to remember that there are few people who check their email as much as I do. 
In "let's talk about anything besides my uterus" news, Mr. is beginning the process of interviewing for commands. We are so thrilled for all the possibilities, and hopeful that things line up well for him. There is an outside chance that we will have to move... But we are both trying to not cross any bridges till we come to them. 
I was talking with a friend the other day about how things feel alternately insane and also like nothing is happening, and she summed it up perfectly. While I have a lot of big deals circulating in my head between my health/infertility, volunteer work, and possibilities with Mr's work.... My day to day is very slow. I do homework, occasionally go to emails, run an errand or two... There just isn't much to distract me from the big deals swimming around. I've started trying to declutter, which not only makes the apartment look better, it also makes me feel better. 
How do you stay occupied on a day to day basis? Are you a cleaner, crafter, or what?

Not My Story

I've spent several days mulling this over... which is the only explanation I have for my absence lately.    I'm having a hard time with everything. Life isn't quite what I thought it would be. I thought for sure by now I'd have a kid. If not a kid, I'd have a job. And if I didn't have either of those, I'd be in killer shape and my house would be too.  
That's not my story.
I don't have a job. There are a few applications out there, but the opportunities here are few, far and in between. I don't have a kid either. There's an explanation for that too. I am not in killer shape, and my apartment is cluttered at best.  My story is a constant battle with those things and the lovely comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy demons that come along with it.  

I went to the doctor recently, hoping that my cyst had gone away. That wasn't the case. I don't get to start Clomid. Instead, I get a laparoscopy and dye test with complimentary (I amuse myself) cyst removal.  I didn't want this to be my story. I didn't want to be the girl who needed surgery to get pregnant. I don't want to have the sad story of how it took so long to get pregnant. I didn't want to have surgery in a foreign country.... but that's my story. 

I've focused so much recently on all the things my story isn't. It wasn't till some prayer and great news from great friends that I got my head back on track. 

This past Sunday a ministry that I am a part of started discussing plans for Mother's day. Yes, we start this early. As I was listening to the plans, I realized that there is reason for my issues, and a reason for being placed on this council. I spoke up-I mentioned how awkward, uncomfortable, and downright painful church on Mother's Day can be. That if you are a woman of childbearing age sans child, you feel less than. That when they have all the moms stand up in service, a  piece of the infertile woman's heart drops to her stomach. That there are all sorts of people with issues with mother's day, and we need to respect those. Not everyone has a great relationship with their mom, or with their kids. Some mothers and children are no longer with us. 

 I was given the chance and I stood up for those women. The plans shifted, then, to be more kind and fair to all women. All because one person spoke up. I don't say this to give me some sort of praise for all I do-I do very little, and this was just a comment. But it was a comment that I was able to use to galvanize me into a better place mentally, and a more productive place.  So what is my story?

My story is about sharing experiences to create an easier time for all.

My story is about how one doctor can make all the difference.

My story is about how it's okay to fall down sometimes... and it's okay to stay down for a little while. 

My story is about how some of the smallest gestures make the biggest differences. 

My story is about volunteering.

My story is about being  empathetic.

My story is about never giving up. 

My story is about doing all I can for the people I know and love... and those I know and don't love.... and those I don't know.

What's your story about?