Where have I been?

Oh you know... doing the usual. Raising a now nearly 15 month old bucket of sunshine and toddler sass, exploring life as a stay at home mom, and waiting. Always waiting. C should be getting his next set of orders soon, so I am hopeful for great adventures in a new city/state, but hopefully back in the US.

Did I mention that I'm pregnant again? That was a shock. After years of treatment and negative tests, imagine my surprise that at an appointment to place an IUD the doctor tells me that won't be possible, as there's a little person in there. Imagine my shock to find out that it's another little boy who will be joining us in September (Oh, and we move in August. O.O I have lost my mind)

With Boy #1, the pregnancy I wrote of last time I wrote in here (nearly 2 years ago. Oy), we had a rough road. My OB couldn't believe my ridiculous (read: Absurdly normal, but poorly timed) weight gain, and so I was tested for Gestational Diabetes 4 times. and then had the shock of my life... and not in the pleasant way. After all that monitoring , all those blood tests, about 8 million ultrasounds.... My doctor missed a very crucial thing- my Son's intestines weren't inside his body.

I have a lot of writing to do, a lot of things to catch you up on. Know that my first son is fine now-you wouldn't even know what he had been through if you saw him now. I am varying levels of fine, depending on the day. My marriage is still one of the greatest blessings to my life. For all that has changed, for all that will change, there are still some constants like Family, Faith, and Food.

On my birthday Eve..

Tomorrow is a pretty awesome day.... I'm turning 26!
There's a lot of things I could say about it. I could say that I'm not where I thought I would be, that things are hard, that even though things are hard-they are also great, that I'm SO excited about Paris and traveling by train, give a recap of the major events from this year, and on and on.. and none of these things would be wrong... but they aren't what I want to write about.
Today, I'm writing about what I am going to work on for year 26...And intersperse some photos from 25 throughout.

My best girlfriends got in my house and decorated it for my birthday last year :)

Love.
I want to look back at 26 and see that this was the year that I let it become my guiding principle, that I let that be how I approach people and situations.  

The girl who made it SO hard to move from Fayetteville!

  To take this to a religious side of things-Jesus gave us two commandments- To love our God and our Neighbor.  This year, I'm going to focus on those two things, and let the rest fall where it may.   

The best meal of my life, while celebrating 25 (belatedly) in Vegas!

  This means trying to let judgement go. This means letting things that hurt or annoy me roll off my back.

Seeing these two tie the knot is definitely a highlight of the year. And I still cry. Cause I'm a little pathetic.

Like I could leave my favorite munchkin out of this...

Most importantly, it means Grace. And not just for other people-It means for myself...maybe even most of all!    

Waiting for our plane to Germany!

Like most people, I am my own worst critic. This year, I'm going to learn to extend grace to myself, and love myself-flaws and all. Who am I to say that I'm not smart enough? Maybe I'm just the right kind of smart to accomplish what I need to. Who am I to say that I'm not pretty? My 'haters' will be quick enough to tell me that-do they really need my help?! This also means less hiding when someone breaks out a camera-I'm resolving to take more pictures with me in them this year!

I hate the shadows in this...but this was our 2nd Market!

So, here's to a year of Love and Grace...  

 

Selfie...no makeup. I can say a lot of things about this picture-but it's me. This is me on a daily basis-mascara and hair messy. Feeling heavier than I'd like, but loving that I'm still healthy and alive and able to enjoy all that I have.

I remember....

I remember when the Mr. first told me he wanted to join the Army. I was 19, and after he told me I cried. You see, I was dating a goofy theatre kid and I never thought the military would be a plan (I should've...serving in the military goes way back on both sides of his family). I cried because I didn't know what that meant. I cried because I knew at the least we were a country at war and that meant he was going to be deployed.

He had just busted out of his cocoon and is now a beautiful butterfly.

I cried because I was a drama queen. (Seriously. Pulled my Gbig aside to ask her advice and cried at meeting. Drama queen).
Then that Summer he dumped me. I remember sitting in my sorority sister's apartment and watching chick flicks and talking about how he'd be back and he's just a dumb boy.
Then that fall he realized he's really dumb sometimes, and we got back together.
I remember doing pretty horribly on an assignment right after he left for OSUT (basic Training). I remember that professor pulling me aside. He'd never had me in class, but said that it didn't seem like me. I cried to him and told him my boyfriend had just left. He patted me on the shoulder and said his son had left too, but it gets better.  I remember that extension of grace. (And I remember that I was yet again, a drama queen)

Photo from Ciulla Photography

I remember after we got married, that I was so excited in April because he was done with school, I was about to be done with school, and we were going to be able to be done with long distance! (I can hear my veteran spouse friends laughing...). I remember him holding me when he told me that he'd be deploying the following month. 
I remember the joy of buying our house, and getting a puppy.

She's grown just a tiny bit...

I remember crying when the rumors of the next deployment came up.   I remember crying the nights before he left, but not at the parade field...which garnered me criticism. (Seriously).
I remember crying with relief to hold him in my arms again both times.   I remember the blast we've had on marriage retreats, at balls, and at Hail/Farewells. 

I remember falling apart on the drive away from our first base, our first home.   I remember crying on the plane to Germany. 
Why post this? (Other than to illustrate that I'm a pro-level crier/drama queen)
So often as military spouses we tear our fellow spouses down... whether it's that she's crying over him being in the field, or NOT crying during the deployment. That our civilian friends couldn't possibly understand what it's like to live through a deployment, and how stupid they are for thinking that a business trip is in any way equal to one. (For the record, most know it's nothing alike. They're just trying to connect on the premise of missing their person). What if we remembered how it was when we first started out? When that first week of him gone felt like walking through hell? The time we learned to turn off the news when he's gone? 
I have a feeling we'd be much kinder to each other. And in a life like this-where we are often uprooted away from family and friends, and expected to do it all with minimal resources- shouldn't we be more focused on helping one another, instead of laughing at or criticising someone who is just starting out, sad and scared? When will we, as a community, realize that our war stories are very rarely helpful?
I remember...the day I decided to start living in and extending the grace and understanding afforded to me many times over by many people.